Blog 4 of 8: Weak Product Ownership and Stakeholder Engagement

Illustration by Julie Featherstone

Real talk from the Agile trenches

Let’s get honest about something we don’t talk enough about in Agile circles: stakeholder management. Specifically, the kind that Product Owners and Product Managers are supposed to be great at, but often aren't.

I’ve done it all, Product Manager, Product Owner, Project Manager. So trust me when I say: I get it. Being a product person is hard. There’s a reason I chose the delivery side, even though I can do both. It’s not just backlogs and metrics, you really have to love mingling with people. Stakeholder management isn’t a soft skill, it’s an essential one. And it will make or break your success.

The way we coach, structure, and support product folks often leaves massive gaps in how they manage stakeholder relationships. And that gap? It’s where a lot of Agile dysfunction lives.

Now, I’ve worked with project managers who’ve nailed this repeatedly. They navigate expectations, personalities, logistics, emotions, and politics, and still deliver. Which makes me wonder: Do they have some secret Jedi training? Or maybe they just had better mentors. Either way, many Product Owners are under coached and under equipped in this area.

Across countless teams and organisations, I’ve noticed patterns. Not fatal flaws, but recurring missteps. Left unchecked, they damage trust, delay decisions, derail outcomes, and erode morale.

Let’s name them. Not to shame, to sharpen.

Common Patterns of Weak Stakeholder Management

These are real. If any sound familiar, good. That’s the first step toward improving.

• Saying yes too easily: Agreeing to stakeholder demands without checking feasibility or alignment. Sometimes out of fear, politeness, or sheer fatigue.

• Surface level relationships: Not taking the time to truly understand stakeholders' motivations, fears, or priorities. Assuming the work speaks for itself.

• Over functioning: Taking on every conversation, every decision, every pressure point. It leads to burnout, and worse, bottlenecks.

• Perfectionism: Waiting for polished artifacts instead of sharing early. Stakeholders miss early context; you miss early feedback.

• Ramble in meetings: No clear structure, unclear asks, scattered updates. People check out, or misinterpret key points.

• Avoiding the hard ones: We all know those stakeholders. Loud, political, blunt. Ignoring them doesn’t work. Neither does emotional reacting. Strategy is needed.

Any one of these can trip you up. Combined, they’re a trust killer.

Why It Matters

Stakeholder management isn’t a side quest, it’s the game. When it’s weak:

• Bad decisions are made, or good ones are delayed.

• Teams waste time building the wrong things.

• Friction increases, between the team, the business, and the customer.

• You burn out, or worse, become the fall guy when things go sideways.

Great product ownership requires more than a groomed backlog. It requires influence, empathy, and clarity.

Two Mental Models That Help

Let’s ground this with two go to models I coach around.

1. Surrounded by Idiots (Thomas Erikson)

This isn’t an insult, it’s a behavioural model. People fall into four behavioural types: Dominant, Influential, Stable, and Cautious. Each style communicates, decides, and reacts differently.

If you treat every stakeholder the same, you miss opportunities to connect. Learn to spot styles. Adapt your tone, structure, and tempo. Communication isn’t just what you say, it’s what they hear.

2. Split the Different (Chris Voss's 'Never Split the Difference')

My personal favourite. When you face conflict or confusion, break it down:

• What’s fact?

• What’s opinion?

• What’s emotion?

• What’s non negotiable?

This model exposes assumptions and gives you tools to negotiate with clarity. Try it! it really works!!

Becoming a Stakeholder Whisperer

Let’s get tactical. Here are six strategies I swear by.

1. Build Relationships Properly

Go beyond the status update. Learn what your stakeholders value. Understand their fears. Identify their communication styles. Follow through on your promises.

Trust isn’t built in one meeting, it’s built in micro moments.

(Real-life examples follow here, including socialisers, number driven leaders, and dealing with difficult personalities.)

2. Make Stakeholders Feel "Especial"

No one wants to feel like a checkbox. Do 1:1's before group sessions. Show how their feedback shaped decisions. Even a two minute pre-read or follow up note can make someone feel heard.

In design ideation phases, I’ve recorded Loom videos walking through Figma UX flows, sharing context, and asking for feedback asynchronously, especially for stakeholders with limited availability. Later, at the prototype stage, I’ve done it again with updated walkthroughs to show progress and get input before dev cycles began.

3. Let Data Speak

Before saying yes, ask: What’s the user insight? What’s the cost vs value? Use impact effort matrices, value scoring, risk grids. Show your homework. Make decisions visible, not personal.

4. Don’t Forget the Hidden Stakeholders

Engineering. Marketing. Sales. Support. These folks often aren’t in your sprint planning, but they are key to successful delivery. Map them. Involve them. Communicate with clarity.

To keep everyone informed and improve relationships, I’ve used multiple touch-points, for some stakeholders, I dropped Loom videos directly into Slack channels. For others who preferred email, I wrote detailed updates with visuals and clear decisions.

As a team, we’ve also held ad hoc retrospectives at each phase: after design ideation, we gathered to review what worked, what didn’t, and what to improve. We turned that feedback into tangible actions, not just for us, but to communicate our learning back to stakeholders, too.

5. Dealing with Stakeholders Who Are… Assholes

Real story: I once had to lead a product marketing campaign with both digital and OOH (out of home) options. The data made it crystal clear: OOH would blow the budget and bring little return. But a C-suite-adjacent stakeholder insisted.

So I did what you should always do with difficult stakeholders: cover your ass.

I presented the data, followed up in writing, and set a KPI benchmark that would trigger the campaign to be pulled if underperforming. Sure enough, we hit that threshold. Campaign pulled. Stakeholder tried to spin it. But I had the paper trail, and I was smiling like a Cheshire cat.

The takeaway: be honest, be clear, and be prepared, regardless of their rank! Your nobody's Bit***

6. Map and Tier Your Stakeholders

Not all stakeholders are equal. Use a simple map:

Stakeholder	Role	Interests	Involve When?
Head of Product	Decision Maker	Roadmap, ROI	Before planning
Dev Lead	Informed	Feasibility, tech risk	During refinement
Marketing Director	Political Ally	Launch messaging, timing	Before GTM

Tactical Hacks to Try Today

• Prep before meetings: who’s aligned, who’s resistant, what data do you need?

• Use visuals: impact matrices, roadmaps, journey maps.

• Say "no" with evidence: "No, because X. Instead, we suggest Y."

• Use the "Split the Different" model during tense discussions.

• After every release, do a stakeholder feedback loop.

• Use AI note taker like Fathom or Fireflies or templates for decision logs, agendas, and recaps.

Culture Eats Process for Breakfast

You can do all the right things, but if your environment sucks, it’s an uphill battle.

Push for:

• Mentorship: Learn from those who navigate this well

• Training: Invest in communication and negotiation skills

• Retrospectives: Reflect after tough stakeholder moments

• Exec Alignment: Set expectations at leadership level

• Psychological Safety: Make it safe to speak truth early

Final Word: Get Real, Get Skilled, Get Better

Weak stakeholder management isn’t rare. It’s just under coached. But the impact is real.

When you get this right:

• Products land faster

• Teams feel supported

• Stakeholders feel seen

• Trust and outcomes improve

  
  

If this article hit a nerve:

• Repost it or comment on the blog, let’s get the conversation going

• Drop me a DM if you're dealing with a tricky scenario, I’m happy to talk it through

• I also run a mentoring circle, free of charge, where I give my time to explore real world Agile challenges, just message me if you’d like to join

Want help applying this in your organisation?

✅ Book a one time free 30-minute consultation with Agile Goes Ape, and let’s dive into your specific stakeholder situation. Whether you need to tame a tricky personality or design a stakeholder map from scratch, we’ve got your back.

Let’s make product ownership what it should be, strategic, empathetic, courageous.

With a little chimp grit 🐒💥

📚 References & Suggested Reading

• Erikson, Thomas. Surrounded by Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business (and in Life)A behavioural model to decode how different personality types influence communication and conflict, a powerful tool for stakeholder management.

• Voss, Chris. Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On ItWhile “Split the Different” is used here as a heuristic, the title echoes negotiation strategies from Voss' work, especially the idea of separating fact, opinion, and emotion to reach clarity.